We all get upset and reactive at times. When we're upset, the last thing we feel is freedom and joy. Instead, we feel unseen, unheard, or misunderstood. We may feel a range of emotional pain—from mild to severe—that determines what we do from there. Think about how you handle your upsets. You might do your best to push them aside, pretending that they don't matter. At the other extreme, you might try to control the situation and insist on another person seeing things your way. The point is that we all want to be seen, heard and appreciated for who we are.

All negative emotional reactions always come from unconscious programs from childhood. Our negative reactions are never actually about the current situation. When you have a reaction, you are being reminded, unconsciously, of a past upset that looked, sounded like, and or felt like whatever is happening currently. Anytime you go along with these reactions, you reinforce your belief that those programs are the truth.

A fundamental human challenge is the tendency to believe that the answers are on the outside. This is because when we were children that was true. We needed to rely on the “big people” for our answers. Wherever we experienced trauma from the absence of a safe and loving “big person” when we needed them, we continue to focus outside for our answers. That is the case until those wounds are truly healed.

There is one thing that underlies every struggle of every human being on the planet: the childhood absence of a safe, loving big person to connect with us when we needed such connection. How does that affect a child? It creates an experience of being unvalued, and alone in the world. Over time, and multiple incidents, that child comes to believe that he or she is not worthy of being supported and valued.

Negative emotional reactions to current circumstances always stem from hurtful or traumatic events from your past. Any trauma or painful experience you had in childhood led to the formation of survival reactions that I call wound programs—unconscious, automatic reactive responses you developed as a child in an attempt to avoid further pain. Whenever you are in a stressful situation, you are experiencing feelings similar to those you had during painful events in your childhood. This happens anytime you are upset by something somebody says or does, or by some circumstance. In those moments you are vulnerable to these wound programs kicking in and virtually running your life.

I’ve learned a lot in my exploration of life over the last fifty-three years. This includes my cherished moments with countless clients and others with whom I spent quality time. One of the most fundamental and most important realizations I’ve gained is that we all make sense. Our thoughts, our feelings and our actions all make perfect sense based on our perspective.

How often do your “programs” throw you out of alignment, putting unnecessary stress and strain on your Little Adult and your body? Such awareness empowers you as a True Adult to use the I AM tools to bring you into alignment while maturing and evolving your Ultimate Relationship.